it's funny how things start
I was forced to move to a city full of pinions
I only knew two people who I never really met
a girl who I guess that forgave me not knowing myself
and a girl who turned out to be a great friend
"I can't live here", I thought
I tried to run away from reality two months later
but what I saw was totally different from what I pictured
my vision was full of cocaine, whores and departures
a paediatrician who couldn't take care of two kids
then I had finally accepted where I should be
I finally thought "hey, why not make things different?"
then I met you
you were so unknown but also everything that I've ever wanted
no wonder why we were so connected in less than 24h
our first months tasted like heaven
I've finally felt understood by someone with similar wounds
I've felt love like never before
my life turned into a daydream
all of sudden I had you, a great job, ambitions in life
unfortunately I was always so used to sink in seas of lies
I don't know if what haunted me actually happened
it's not the case anyways
but further that changed both of our perspectives
and we started dying from that moment
"I don't see what anyone can see in anyone else but you"
depression hit me back like a truck
"I don't know what my legacy will be
a song, some words I wrote, or a kid I'll never see"
I left home thinking it would be easy building a new one
it seemed like it
but you were just so unhappy and I didn't move a finger
from that moment you knew that we wouldn't last much
but I couldn't picture anything else in my life
I was like some sickness that you caught
I started saving money to buy us an apartment
I secretly rehearsed so many times a proposal
we had names for our three kids that will never exist
and I was finally getting along with your parents
but my conscience wasn't there anymore
I started wondering if anyone would miss me if I died
I've searched for shelter having conversations with strangers
I've felt so lost, I've missed God like never before
I wanted to destroy myself before I had destroyed you
but we both know I destroyed you first
after 6 months without you my life has finally started making sense
you were a hint of how love can be life changing
I wasn't well but without you I'd be worse
we don't talk anymore, I don't know how you've been
I'm not sure how you feel towards me
but all I can do at this point is ask for your forgiveness
and let you know I'll always think of you
I thought I've met love before but you... you were my first love after all.
"could have been my anything, now everything is embarrassing"
it's funny how things end so others can begin.